Avoid Ascending Into the Honeycomb Lovewomb of the Universe — With Sanka

“Judy, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“Of course, Dad. Let’s start with that jacket.”

“Your mother and I would like to talk to you about this can of Sanka we found in your room. You’re growing to be a young lady, and you’ll have choices to make. Are you sure you want to be on the Sanka?”

“It’s decaf. Instant decaf coffee.”

“Decaf is just a gateway beverage. Now we respect your privacy, and we would never snoop through your things, it’s just that mother was tidying up a bit. You understand, don’t you?”

“I understand, I just don’t think Rick will understand. We’ve been married for seven years now, and it seems like no matter how many times we move you two keep finding us.”

“Oh honey, court orders won’t stop me. I’m an unstoppable freight train of caring. You know, not so long ago I had coffee. And it made me shaky, and my tummy hurt, so I had to stop.”

“Maybe you weren’t drinking enough.”

“Dear, I spoon fed myself half a jar of Maxwell House instant. I achieved levels of productivity that make the Hadron Super Collider look like a disused merry-go-round. For a while there I ascended to a realm of pure crystal plasma that can never be described by human vocabulary.”

“Try anyway!”

“Well…it’s like I was inside the honeycomb love womb of the universe, and I was a floating jellyfish in a sea of pure bliss that connected all living things. And I would hate for that to happen to you.”

“Sounds pretty awful.”

“My hair turned brown again.”

“So what should I drink instead, dad?”

“Oh, kids these days, they drink the Yoo-hoo. And that fruit powder mix.”

“Tang.”

“You’re welcome. Let’s go flush this down the toilet.”

“That does sound kind of fun, actually.”

“That’s the spirit! And then will you tell Dr. Klein I showed consistent awareness of the consequences of my actions?”

“Sure.”

“Hoo-doggies, dis gonna be gooooood!”